If I elude my-self and do not face into myself out of love and compassion, how will I be able to do this with my husband? If I'm ashamed, disconnected and in denial within...I will most likely see my husband as such because I can't get past projecting what I'm denying within. Jesus did speak to this when he said, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." -Matthew 5:2 I wonder if this is because of our projection. We do live in a house of mirrors, not windows.
I need to face into myself and examine within before I face out to cross-examine others.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." -Matthew 5:3-5
My vision is greatly crippled if I do not look at myself (self-examine), while I'm judging others and trying to tell them about them (cross-examine). When I do that, I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm speaking about them, when I'm really speaking more about myself. How others speak of others is quite revealing of themselves, whether they own the connection or not. Our discernment surrounding others comes clearly when we've first discerned within and then removed the baggage that skews our discernment. There is no other relationship I've had that doesn't play out my stuff more than my marriage.
Intimacy exposes me. Fear of intimacy is fear of me being exposed. I can move towards intimacy with others when I've moved towards intimacy with myself, and stopped running from myself. Full exposure through self-disclosure with me, God and another human being prepares me for intimacy with another. I voluntarily expose myself, and do not submit to fear and shame. Out of that place, I can connect to my husband to the same level I've done this within.
I can respect my husband when I have self-respect. I can have self-respect when I've quit trying to hide from myself and have instead accepted my full self...the good, the bad and the ugly. I do not love my husband so I can love myself, as I've often misunderstood. It's a by-product or a reflection of the kind of terms I'm on with my own self.
Later on down the road, I may disclose more of how this applies personally, but for now...I'm good with just throwing out the thought process of theory...I'm a work in progress...
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." -Ephesians 5:28-33
