This song is to help usher you into my inner world, to see things from my world for a brief moment. My dysfunctional relationship with evangelical Christianity, which includes shadows of my trauma/emotional abuse being projected onto Jesus and my overwhelming experiences with Christians supporting that projection, not disarming it.
If you are too uncomfortable getting behind my eyes for a brief moment, you may not want to watch this video. While I do appreciate being able to appropriately accommodate others with their tolerance level in mind, I'm not remaining silent and keeping this to myself concerning this post. I've spent most of my life doing that, and it often involved me shutting down in shame. It's the environment that feels hauntingly familiar to me - being surrounded by people whom I want to get me, yet are uncomfortable with getting me. I learned to survive by hiding in shame and discovering which mask made others feel most comfortable, then wore it so I could feel accepted by making others at ease. I've learned that many people, not excluding evangelical Christians, appreciate masks.
Pink's voice represents mine, speaking of my perception of jesus. The male voice in this song represents jesus; not the real jesus, but the jesus that's represented by the majority of my experiences with Christians. He is sweet, charming, passionate, confident, and invalidating. Cognitively, I know better then to believe this is how jesus really is, but subconsciously - there's little difference. Unfortunately, it's been my overall experience in the church but won't be the defining experience, so help me God. The voices of Christians validate the inner voices of shame, instead of demolishes them, then places blame on the wounded for being wounded. The struggle between me and this pull towards unhealthy and emotionally stifling religion that's purported feels hauntingly familiar. The syrupy invalidation is suffocating me, slowly but surely.
As I fight to not throw the baby out with the bathwater (Jesus) and his authentic voice, I realize He is the one fighting for me, not against me. The authentic voice of Jesus is not neutral, it doesn't complicity agree with the voices of shame.
The branch of Christianity that stems from using God and certain interpretations of Bible verses to hide and deny their feelings as if that is spiritual, is an addiction. I am in recovery myself from this insidious addiction. I will no longer conform. That "gospel" is confining, not liberating, and is really no gospel at all.
"Just Give Me A Reason"
Right from the start you were a thief
You stole my heart and I, your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep
Oh oh things you never say to me
Oh oh tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
Just give me a reason just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everything
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happening)
You've been havin' real bad dreams
Oh oh you used to lie so close to me
Oh oh there's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love our love oh our love our love
Just give me a reason just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped, you're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh tear ducts and rust I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust but our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
Just give me a reason just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Just give me a reason just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Ooh we can learn to love again
Ooh we can learn to love again
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
