I've heard people sharing very personal stories of how God ministered to them, and myself was simultaneously drawing a blank inside. They expressed deep emotions, and I felt little to nothing where I could personally relate to them. Not because I didn't care, I was trying to care a lot. But I just simply could, not, relate. I didn't want to blow my cover of not being God, though, by not coming across as understanding, so I'd sometimes make a certain face and nod my head trying to convince them I understood exactly where they were coming from, when I didn't. But then I'd walk away feeling a little guilty...
That's my codependency being played out. And when that appears I can re-frame my thinking with some simple truths...
I am not God! I am not an all-knowing and omniscient being who can profoundly enter into every, single, personal experience in a transcendent way. Yes, there are definitely times when I can sincerely enter in and relate on a deep level with another's story. But not every time, with everyone. I wish I could and sometimes will pressure myself into playing that role. I want people to feel connected to me and not invalidated, but it's being inauthentic and a bit dishonest out of fear of offending and wanting to care-take another's feelings at the cost of authenticity, at worst. At best, it's me wanting to show compassion and that I honestly do care, even though I cannot personally relate.
I can accept my own limitations of not always being able to understand and empathize with others. It isn't because I don't care. It isn't because the other person is defective in some way. It's simply because I'm human. I can acknowledge to myself that when I can't personally relate to someone's experience, it's not invalidating them. I can honor and validate it by simply believing it. No matter how different their experiences are from my own, I can take their words at face value,
God is a very personal God. It's nice to take myself off the hook knowing a personal God does exist, and is very willing and able to enter into their personal lives on a deep and profound level. I don't have to fulfill that role, and self-condemn myself when I fail. This does not excuse me from invalidating or minimizing their different experiences though.
When I interact with people who cannot personally relate to all of my God-stories or emotionally moving experiences, it doesn't mean they are invalidating me or being cold-hearted. It's simply because they're human, just like me. And even if they are invalidating me, I have the choice of not taking it personally.
I don't need to keep these stories extremely private, even though they are personal, out of fearing they won't be understood the way I want. God is a deeply personal God, who knows the intimate details of my life and heart. Expecting others to relate with me on the same deep and profoundly intimate level God does is unrealistic. I can hold onto myself and not get lost in the having the distorted expectations of other people (including myself) needing to play God. What freedom!
I find myself taking things less personally from other people, when I'm taking God's love for me more personally, one day at a time. He is a deeply personal God, and His love for me is deeply personal, even though He loves every human being, deeply. That's God. He is love. His love and intimacy for me, and for you is deep and limitless. It's hard to fully comprehend, this side of heaven.
"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you."
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of the sand -
when I awake, I am still with you."
-Psalm 139:1-18
