Jesus' Amends Process - Not for Cowards or Avengers

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
- Matthew 18:15-17

Gonna attempt to personally dive into the application of Jesus' teaching regarding relationships and confrontation; Jesus-style which completely conflicts with the world's and our natural tactics for confrontation.  As I see it, this biblical blueprint can be applied for doing interventions, for the purpose of restoring a relationship when it has sustained an injury.


What do I do when I'm offended, hurt or grieved by someone who is a brother or sister in the Lord?  In other words, they profess to be a Christian?
In my little NIV footnote it says this after "If your brother sins against you, [Some manuscripts do not have against you.]

What constitutes as "sin"?  I'm afraid that people (myself included) would use the word "sin" and  make a big fuss about it to invalidate somebody's offense or hurt feelings and claiming a "Matthew 18 isn't applicable" or a situation doesn't "warrant" a Matthew 18 implementation.

In recalling my pastor's reference to the word "sin" in the Bible, it basically means "to miss the mark" or "to fall short".

What is the result of sin?  - Death (Romans 6:23).

The life-flow source is cut off when sin has occurred.  In relationships/friendships; if there is now a lesser amount of trust present to the degree where one party no longer feels safe with the other, it results in strangling off the life-source of that relationship (trust).

It will at best stagnate, and at worst, leak into other areas of my life.  In the realm of organic relationships, vulnerability is a vital ingredient to create a breeding ground for mutual growth because that's when iron can sharpen iron.

Sharpening comes with seasons of the discomfort accompanied by close proximity.  Often, sticking it out in the presence of temporary pain is what leads to breakthrough, in relationships and in individual lives.  This has been my experience thus far, however limited it may be.

Conflict can give birth to new life.  There's no guarantee it will result the way I want.  If I'm looking for guarantees, I always have the option to cut and run without making these attempts to reconcile, because I'll have the guarantee that reconciliation will not occur if I check out of the relationship as my first action step.  I'm not saying it should never be an option.  The more value I assign to the relationship, the further ending it  will be from the top of my list of options to follow through on.

Temporary, but very real pain, like nothing else, can lead to healing and profound growth.

When I'm willing to persevere through thick and thin, and not cut and run when inevitable conflict appears, I'll often have an experience of feeling distant or separated from the other person, before and sometimes during the reconciliation process.  The potential for mutual growth to take place does require me having willingness to work through this conflict, until the end of the process.

If I just cut and run when I'm offended, I sabotage the possibility of painful yet fruitful growth taking place when iron sharpens iron in a relationship where vulnerability isn't blocked upon offense.  My relationships need an element of vulnerability present in order to bump up against another's dullness and be affected by it  (we all have our dull areas).  But it can be terrifying.  I get it.

What promotes distance in our relationships?  -Shame, which is responded to by hiding, because it is based in fear, the absence of safety.

When Adam and Eve sinned, this is how it played out...

"Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.  Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?"

He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." 

- Genesis 2:7-9

What's a good litmus test to see if "sin" has occurred that "warrants" a Matthew 18 implementation?

Consider asking yourself this:

"Am I now hiding any parts of me as a result of this person's actions?"  If so, "Why?"

If the answer to the first question is not an honest "Nope" that follows with shalom peace, there's work to do.  But I can be encouraged, there's also much hope because the work is clearly mapped out, step by step, by Jesus himself.

It won't be done in vain, 
for there will be gain, 
in spite the presence of temporary pain.

A Biblical confrontation applying Matthew 18:15-17 will be my guide (not only my emotions).  This will be my best bet for reconciliation with this brother or sister, that will result in me experiencing shalom, no matter the outcome.  I'll have the peace that comes from keeping my side of the street clean, and doing everything within my own power, to reconcile and repair the relationship.

Note:  Just so I'm not confronting every person I see in church who won't return a smile to me, this guiding thought might be useful:

The outcome is best when these steps are practiced within the context of a relationship, not merely a title or category that I'm related to more than the actual person.  If we have a relationship that is now halted, and moves back a few steps in how close we now relate, that's something to notice and not sweep under the rug.

I can apply the litmus test above.

For example, if I'm offended by my brother-in-law's cousin's, neighbor's employer's friend because they forgot to call me back when they said they would, but I have no relationship with them outside of these titles or categories, then I'm free to know I don't need to confront!  Yay!  Instead, I'm free to love and overlook. 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

- 1 Peter 4:8

Likewise - 

"Hatred stirs up conflict,

but love covers over all wrongs."

- Proverbs 10:12

With the awareness of my best bet towards reconciliation between myself and my brother or sister comes by applying Jesus' teaching in Matthew 18:15-17...I can move forward.  The hope is to only need to practice the first step, then be done, but it's not entirely up to me.  That's the nature of relationships; there are two individual wills involved.  But at least I'll be going somewhere and won't be stuck in confusion or resentment by sweeping unresolved matters under the "nice-Christian-rug".

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over."  -Matthew 18:15

Pretty straight-forward, right?  Easy, but not simple.  We can blame that on the flesh, but if we walk by trusting God; we have another nature of law at work in us: the law of the Spirit.  

When I'm applying Jesus' 1st step in trying to move a conflicted relationship towards reconciliation I will not do what I may compulsively prefer to do based on my comfort level (of fear/pride) which is to play some various form of the game 'Hide and go seek' with this person which includes involving others, other than or more than, the brother or sister I'm resenting.

Specifically; do not

- tell somebody else instead of the person I'm having an issue with (triangulation) to "get over it"

- confront this brother/or sister in the presence of others

I get the notion that the whole premise in doing confrontation, Jesus style - is to uphold the dignity and honor of the person you have the conflict with.  The flesh is incapable of doing this.  It sure can strive to, but not for long, and it doesn't fool God in the least.

"But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'   -Mttw 18:16

Here's where things can get dicey.  In my personal amateur opinion - the best candidates to choose as my 'witnesses' will have this qualifier: Be a brother and/or sister who knows and loves the other person, just like they know and love me.  Don't take either my or their enemy (someone with expressed unresolved offense) with.  Personally, my preferred candidate would be a person who doesn't have a pattern of betraying others with a loose tongue.  They can honor the confidentiality of the matter at hand at my request.

"If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church;"  vs 17

The church, in my understanding, is made up of the people we walk alongside on the path with Christ.  Some closer than others, but we've seen these people on our travels on the path with Jesus Christ.  They are the people who don't necessarily have special authority or a high-profile in the church community with titles or labels, but they know the person being confronted, preferably beyond just a first-name basis (corrective community for the purpose of mutual growth).  The difference between this step and the previous one is it includes a group of people (more than just two or three witnesses).  The stakes are higher, the pressure is on.  It's using peer pressure in the hope for a positive outcome, because these other people are also sinners and imperfect humans.  The purpose is to win this person over, not to take them down.  If my motivation is to take them down, my experience of peace will go down with them.

"and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

vs 17

There is evidence now, provided by this person's own choices, that they don't value reconciling the relationship when there is so much at stake.  There's now reason enough to believe that perhaps they aren't a fellow brother or sister following Jesus Christ, even though they've professed it.  But only God knows for sure.  This now puts on display relationally, what is going on in the relationship under the surface of appearances, between you and the other person..  Enough evidence has been provided by the person's choices that it's now time to separate how I interact with this person from how I would a fellow brother or sister in the Lord.

Operating out of the information recently provided by their choices, I can't go on by treating them as a fellow brother or sister in Christ, but rather as a "pagan or tax collector".  I have to now make a change in how I relate to them and treat them, through adjusting my expectations of this relationship to fit someone who is a "pagan or tax collector".  Their actions have revealed that they aren't willing to change, despite me doing all I can do to influence them and win them over, including using the relationship as is, as leverage.  The change is now for me to implement, in how I treat them, not in how they treat me.

I cannot force or control anyone to change against their own will.  Their will has now become much more clearer to me, as well as to others who've been invited into this process of initiating reconciliation.  I can honor what I now see more clearly; their individual will, without trying to deny it for myself.  I can allow them the freedom to have their own will play out, but at the cost of the relationship being altered, with the whole context being different.  The change is now in my court, but I can have peace about it while I grieve and adjust.

And how do I treat a pagan or a tax collector?  In other words, someone who isn't following Jesus Christ?  - Not by judging or shaming them, but by guarding my heart when interacting with them because me and this person are not equally yoked spiritually.  Our fellowship is on the basis of me acknowledging this context.  This person's own choices have become the source of how I proceed, only when I've confronted cleanly and in love, by following Jesus' teaching to try and win my brother or sister over when they've sinned against me.

This is very different than the world's way of doing confrontation.  I see it as a redemptive approach for both parties, with the hope of restoring a relationship and bringing it to even a better place than it was before the conflict.  It also takes into consideration, not only my relationship with this other person, but their relationship with God and others, without being driven by my flesh's reaction to an uncleared conflict.

This is my understanding of how I confront in the Kingdom of God, Jesus style.  It takes more than just guts, it takes full surrender.  But it clears the air with all parties involved being honored throughout the difficult process.

Jesus is a brilliant peace-maker.

Theologizing Recovery and Personal Note

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
- John 8:32

I believe rigorous honesty is foundational for growth, healing and recovery.  It really is that simple.  But practicing rigorous honesty is something which doesn't come naturally, for we've been taught (brainwashed) into believing that it's too dangerous.

The world's pain and dysfunction, as I see it is built on believing lies.  Sin is a result of decisively taking action based on believing a lie primarily about myself and God.  It doesn't take much for me to be deceived.  However, it takes much more work to believe and walk in the truth, not returning to being deceived and taken captive by familiar lies.

What's the greatest obstacle in living a life that practices rigorous honesty?  - I'm becoming more and more convinced it's fear of judgment.  Judgment promotes living much of life in hiding, not honesty, not openness.  And why do we fear judgment?  Because we live in a world that has a big addiction problem.  The human race has one common genetic disease: addiction

What are we addicted to?  -the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  We falsely believe we need it to survive and thrive - much like an addict who feels they need their opiates to cope with life.  We feed off of our judgments, playing God, instead of surrendering to Him and allowing Him to judge alone, without our help.

Truth be told...If I were to practice rigorous honesty, the first thing I'd come up against is fear of what others will think of me.

Human societies don't know how to function in rigorous honesty.  All human societies and cultures, as I understand, do not naturally promote the safety of living that way.  If I've missed something here, where are the societies that don't need laws/rules, or people to enforce them?  All cultures, all societies judge those within it, minimally at a legal level.  More often than not, the judgment goes beyond the legal level, even if it's not done with a conscious awareness.  The judgement people feed off of is in evaluating their own identity and ranking, in contrast with whatever scale or baseline they're using, that's usually bias towards themselves.  I know I do this as naturally and subconsciously as swallowing my own saliva.  In recovery, I'm becoming mindful of this reality, and it deepens my ability to love myself more authentically, and extend that love to others.

Much is hidden as a result of shame, which further enables sin's capacity to enslave us to it.  And sadly, many religious people are the drunkest of all, but in the name of God, using His name in vein.  I'm in recovery of that myself.  (for more on this, see this post)

We judgment addicts know our own kind, and that our world is filled with other judgment addicts drunk off the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  We weren't created to properly digest that fruit, and operate from a sober mind.  Harmony within, harmony with others, and harmony with God is compromised as a result.  We know it, because we ourselves are addicted, and we know that judgment addicts who are rampant in their addiction, without awareness that leads to the desire to change or recover from the addiction, are unsafe.  Not necessarily unsafe in the sense of being physically dangerous, but in the sense of degraded value taking place below the surface of what meets the eye -our relationships; with ourselves, others, and God are now convoluted.  Thankfully, there is effective treatment for this addiction - for without it we're all lost without hope.  Jesus Christ's life, death and resurrection are offered as the treatment for this addiction, but the treatment is received by individual choice, not force.  And it entails a lifetime of recovery from judgment abuse (dishing out judgment as if we're God, towards others and ourselves).

Connection and intimacy can't flourish when safety isn't naturally present, and instead is naturally absent.  When humans get drunk off of their judgments, it's not a pretty sight.  Whether the judgeaholics are drunk and positioned on Capitol Hill, claim religious authority, are highly credentialed, or are homeless, in the suburbs or in prison...it ain't a pretty sight.  The world becomes an unsafe place for living in rigorous honesty, when you live in fear of judgment surrounded by judgment drunks, including yourself.

Addiction to judgment creates the absence of safety which isn't equally discernibly visible to all.  Its danger is much more insidious.  It works its destruction subtly within the bounds of people's relationships, the fabric of humanity.

Judgment addicts who are not in recovery, aren't nearly as safe to be in intimate relationships with as those who are.  In fact, my experience has shown some to be extremely harmful.  For to be intimate is to expose yourself to another.  Intimacy isn't isolated to being of a sexual nature.  Intimacy also happens emotionally and/or spiritually.   Participating in relationships with other judgment addicts who lack the desire or awareness of his or her own destructive judgment addiction makes intimacy all the more risky, all for diminishing returns.

I lie.  I hide.  I deceive.  I judge.  I struggle with pride.  I struggle with shame.  I struggle with admitting that I struggle with these things, because I struggle with fear - fear of judgment, fear of shame coming from other judgment addicts, including the one who whispers into my ear when I'm alone.  Often, those whispers are disarmed when brought into the light before others who are in recovery from their own judgment addictions too.

Today I am in recovery.  Each day, one day at a time, I have to make a choice to walk in the truth.  To speak the truth.  To accept the truth.  To seek the truth.  To recover the truth.  And it costs me something, but it's worth it.  For choosing not to recover from addiction to my judgments also costs me something  - my freedom.

The treatment plan:
Jesus Christ dying on the cross to forgive my sins, to renew and redeem my worth and identity that is now to be found in Him and in His judgment of me, in place of my own, and the judgments of others.

In recovery, judgments solely from a human origin (perceived or received), become less and less influential.  They'll never disappear.  Get real.  I'm a living human that's created in a world where people impact one another, for better or for worse.  I can however, put a limit on the amount of impact it has on me.  It takes work, and I certainly can't do it alone, but with the help of others in recovery, it's possible.  I become sober by the truth and reserving final judgment from the only sober Judge: God

Just like in treatment and recovery for drug addiction- recovery and healing come from making an individual choice, one day at a time.  Denial is the main culprit to preventing the addict in accepting treatment and walking in recovery, and denial is strongly supported by fooling myself.  Truth, is something that must be sought after and fought for, and maintenance is critical as well, but the value of it will pay for itself - ten fold.

I'm feeling called to garden and nourish my heart, mind and soul with truth and grace.  I'm so in need of it.  Blogging is something I absolutely love.  I've been blessed through doing it, even if I am the only one on earth who thoroughly reads my blog (which I do over and over again to re-calibrate my mind).

I want to sincerely love.  I want to love others with the overflow that comes from receiving God's love more fully, towards myself, and others in my path.  If I myself only have the capacity to love others to the same degree I love myself, I'm a bit nervous about that.  Loving myself means deeply knowing and accepting all of myself, as God does.

No more shame-chains.

I need to learn to truly walk in love towards myself, in my heart and my mind, not merely intellectually.  I'm good at talking the talk and walking the walk, but as for my own inner-thought-life, there are battles to be fought in private.  Not in isolation, but not on stage.

"Buy the truth and do not sell it;
get wisdom, discipline and understanding."
- Proverbs 23:23

"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating.  Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"  
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this:  Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all our mind and with all your strength.'  The second is this:  'Love your neighbor as yourself."  There is no commandment greater than these."
- Mark 12:28-31


Solid peace and grace be yours,
~ Kristen Lopez

Live and Let Live

"So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.  Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.  Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." 

 -Romans 14:12-13 [emphasis in bold by me]

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  

- Ephesians 5:1-2

It's not for me to assume my role in people's life is to change, fix, transform and convince others to see things a certain way.  I am not the Holy Spirit and I'm not called to imitate his unique role.  My flesh constantly assumes that role, out of pride.  I'm called to imitate Jesus, and Jesus didn't do this with others, including especially towards his skeptics who weren't open to him.  If I'm trusted, invited and sought after to be of influence to them to whatever degree they decide, that's different.  That isn't the context I'm referring to in this post though.

I often get mixed up on which person of the Trinity I'm called to imitate.  They each have distinct roles, and I often try to imitate the Holy Spirit's role when I'm not called or equipped to, resulting in added misery and chaos in my life.  If I am to imitate God, I look at Jesus and imitate him.  When I try to imitate the Holy Spirit, I find myself facing all sorts of troubles, big and small.

Another term I've used for trying to imitate the Holy Spirit with others is codependency, which bares dysfunction in my relationships.  It's robbed me of peace because I'm not trusting God.  It's God's business, and He's more than capable and willing to attend to His business with the people in my life who haven't invited me to speak into their life with welcomed (not coerced) influence.

It is my role to accept the reality of where people are at in their journey, this acceptance includes my own with where I'm at.

Acceptance has its boundaries marked by reality and all that falls within the territory of reality.  It's not what I wish reality was, or how I need reality to be, no matter how valid, but rather accepting life on life's terms as is.  It's one of the hardest things to learn in life (acceptance of hard reality) but, necessary for me to enjoy freedom.

Detaching from the codependent need for others I'm in relationship to think or see things a certain way allows me to accept people for where they are, where they aren't, who they are, and who they aren't.  It doesn't mean I approve or agree with all I accept, but I don't need to in order to tolerate it.  We "ceased fighting anything or anyone" as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous puts it. Acceptance supports sanity.

This involves me coming to grips with my own powerlessness to control others and frees me from the compulsive need to.  Even if someone wanted me to control them, it would be a struggle to perfectly control them.  Look how hard it is for me to surrender my own will to Jesus Christ, one day at a time - and that's something I actually want to do!  How much more difficult it would be for another person to surrender their will to mine, if they're not even willing or desiring that!

It's challenging enough to surrender control of my own life - when the desire to do so is present - let alone another when the desire to do so is absent or fickle.

I can have hope for others, and trust that God through the Holy Spirit is working in their life in His way and on His timetable, but I've gotta be careful not to confuse my hope for the future with present tense reality.  Confusion comes when I fuse my perspective with my wishful thinking.  Con-fusion.

How freeing it is to see that by honoring the boundaries that are inherent with reality, I am much more positioned to accept life on life's terms, with peace.

Unless I've earned the right or been invited into another's life to speak into their heart, of their own accord, I have no business interfering or intervening.  That is a boundary which not only protects others, but also protects me.  Unless it's robbing peace by threatening the well being of those who are necessarily dependent upon me, I am free to live and let live.

All thoughts and opinions about myself and others should be submitted to love and surrendered to the Holy Spirit to take care of.  All interactions need to yield to love, and sometimes love sounds like keeping silent in the absence of a trusting and open relationship.  Resistance by another person that results in me being reactive and argumentative, and them being defensive, is a red flag.  Proceed with caution - acknowledging reality as my ally, not my enemy.

Today, I am called to be faithful in the role I've been given.  To love.  To live fully in love and let others live where they're at today.

Today, I'm called to be free.

Today, I'm not called to try and assist others to change, especially with those who are resistant to me playing that role in their life.

Today, I'm called to live moment by moment trusting in God's grace being sufficient for me to carry on with what I'm called to do.

Today is a new day.  Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow is always just a day away.

Today I will live and let live, having faith that God's role in my life, and the role He gives me regarding others is clear and supported best by me having living in surrender to His will, not my own, one day at a time.

Therefore..today, I can breathe.  Live and let live.  And be at peace with the results.


These views are the sole expression of the one who wrote them and represent the point in time they were written.  Life is fluid, and my views should be too, unless I claim to be all-knowing for all-time, I do not.

Primum Non Nocere - (First, Do No Harm)

"Can a blind man lead a blind man?  Will they not both fall into a pit?  A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.  

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  

- Luke 6:39-42

The clearer I can see my own condition (spiritual, emotional, psychological etc.) I'll be of greater service to others.  As I accept what I see in myself, with the necessary help of others who are further along in their vision correcting process, I'll be able to see those around me more clearly, and be more inclined to do them no harm, due to my ignored blind spots.

In practicing self-examination through gaining self-awareness, I am to come first, not last.  I will be dangerous to others if I start correcting their vision, without first going about the task of correcting mine.

To the degree I'm blind or vision-impaired in seeing my own condition as is, I will cause harm and mislead others.  In my attempts to influence others (albeit well-intentioned) without first taking care of my own business of self-examination, we'll both fall into a pit, unless another intervenes, and of course if I accept it.

Why is self-examination important?  -Because it directly affects a vital function I depend on while making decisions: my vision - which steers my ability to discern.

If I can't see clearly, and even worse, if I remain in denial about it, I'll believe that what I'm seeing is the truth, when it's not.  Neglecting self-examination is unsafe, to myself and others.  I will hurt people without knowing how I've hurt them or even believing I've hurt them at all.  The chances of me taking the opportunity to repent or "turn" increases by me having clear vision (discernment).  By the way, I believe discernment within the context of self-examination is an equal-opportunity provision, it doesn't discriminate on anything other than willingness.

I wear prescription eye-glasses that are just right for me, currently.  My prescription changes over time, along with my vision changing over time.  If I were to remove my eye-glasses, with the awareness that what I'm seeing is the result of my impaired vision, I will be extra careful and ask for help.  It would be dangerous for me to lead someone down a rocky path without my eye-glasses on, and I'd know that.

If however, I removed my eye-glasses and was convinced that everything I saw was exactly how it really is -watch out.  Let's hope I wouldn't become a licensed bus driver or a child care provider.  I'd likely become irritated with everything I'm seeing because it appears fuzzy and blurry to me.  I would likely find fault in what I'm seeing and not in my impaired vision.

If I feel called to come alongside another and help improve or enhance their vision, I'd better make sure my vision is clear enough first.  For to the degree my vision is clear and unimpaired; I'll be able to assist another with their vision.  If not, it is the blind leading the blind.  Will they not both fall into a pit?

How well am I doing this within my various roles; as a parent, a spouse, a friend, a sister, an aunt, etc.?  I'm open to doing it not only for my own sake, but for the sake of the lives I play a role of influence in.  I shall take care to practice self-examination in the things I'm trying to help others see for themselves.  Am I continuously checking my own vision in regards to what issues God brings before me?  This will include being aware of areas in my life where I need to be giving myself more grace and compassion in.  What good is it, for me or others, if I'm constantly shaming myself, mistaking that as "self-examination"?

In seeing the value of self-examination, will I then go about doing it alone?  It sure is tempting, but depending only on my vision and judgment to bring clarity to my vision and judgment is a recipe for remaining stuck.

Although the term "self-examination" is used, it's impossible to do it alone.  The fact remains: the reason we practice self-examination in the first place is because we've accepted the present reality of our dual-condition in Christ - broken yet progressively healing.  Is it wise or realistic for a broken person to expect themselves to heal and mend in isolation?  As I see it from my own personal experience, it simply doesn't work that way, and God doesn't call us to live that way.

"As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another."
- Proverbs 27:17


"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, 
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12


In realizing the realm of influence I hold in another person's life (child, teen or adult), even especially in my role as a parent, the practice of self-examination, or absence of it, will have an impact on others.  Self-examination is consistent with both Jesus' call to love others as myself, and the primum non nocere adhered to in medical ethics.