I think one of the luckiest groups of people on earth are drug addicts. Yep, that's right. I'm not making light of the pain and struggle involved, for so many it's a life or death business. But they, like no other, have some hardcore experience with the reality of humanity's state of affairs after the fall (see Genesis 3). It's not just any addict on the spectrum, it's the addict that is painfully aware of his/her powerlessness and is willing to do what it takes to find freedom and truth in recovery and through a Higher Power, mine of which is Jesus.
I personally do not have a history of substance abuse. I was probably a likely candidate for becoming a drug addict based on a history of early abandonment and trauma, but I have no idea what my genes inherited by way of being adopted with no known family history. I was way too fearful to experiment much with substances other than cigarettes, alcohol and marijuana. I am not a risky person when it comes to taking great physical risks with my health. But relationships- that is a whole different story. I became addicted to certain types of relationships, but that is another post in and of itself.
Back to the topic..
With the exception of addicts operating under denial, they like none other are quite familiar with their brokenness and powerlessness, in and of themselves. My perspective holds that there is another addiction that is also extremely dangerous thanks to its insidious nature, but much easier to mask than an addictive substance, because its use is so subtle, discrete, and common. I consider myself to be a recovering addict of this sort. What exactly is this substance that makes its addiction so hard to detect? -it consists of the "fruit" eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It's getting life from human judgments on a knowledge-based level only God fully possess.
I frequently default to evaluating people and circumstances based on my knowledge that creates the basis for my judgments. It bypasses God with me playing God. It's linked to feeding myself three square meals a day with fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which by the way looks pleasing to the eye and good for food when I'm believing the lie that says I'm hungry and God's provisions aren't good enough.
Lucky for humans all over the globe, the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil comes in a wide variety of different forms, depending on what most caters to you. What is good and what is not when my identify is being fed by eating this fruit? It depends where you get your identity from, here's a sample list naming some of the different "forms" of fruit this tree has to offer: my appearances, my intellect, my nationality, my reputation, sex-appeal, level of education, my income, my marital-status, my athletic ability, my childhood, my parents' accomplishments, my children's accomplishments, my political views, my religious views, my zip code, my past, who I know, and what I've accomplished, etc. The list of different types of "forms" the fruit from this tree produces is diverse, but all the same when it comes to speaking to who I am and what I'm worth - a lie in different forms declaring that what I'm worth and who I am depends on anything...anything other than what God says about me.
In other words - When I eat the fruit from this tree - who I am and what I'm worth gets based on the value system that categorizes good and evil, apart from God's judgment of what is good and evil.
Only God can love and judge perfectly. Only He can know all things, the good and the evil, yet love fully and purely at the same time. His views are the ones to base all my judgments on, not mine or others. Calvary reveals how He views me and all of humanity - He sacrificed all for us, to redeem and restore us because of how He views us, as unspeakably valuable and deeply loved.
Many people who fill churches are addicts. They may not be addicted to a drug or chemical, but rather in getting high or numbing out by engaging habitually in a deceivingly pleasurable behavior nonetheless -their own judgment. And when their sense of judgments, which are being based on their own knowledge, becomes one with their identity, great offense is taken when it's perceived as being threatened or challenged. If my judgments are wrong, and my life-source comes out of my judgments, than who am to those who disagree?
It is human nature to judge based on our own knowledge. Even the people we like most, we're still judging them with our own knowledge, we're judging those we like as good and acceptable. The fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is still in high demand. When I praise or admire another, I am still using my judgment based on what I know to be "good". The same goes for those I look down on and dismiss as being lesser than others. I'm clinging to what I know and deeming it enough to actually evaluate between what is good and evil, and this easily becomes how I identify myself. We get high on this when we actually believe and put faith in our knowledge of what's good and what's evil, apart from God's.
The biggest obstacles to having and maintaining sobriety from the delusional and toxic effects of believing our judgments and merging our identity with them? Pride and denial. Denial is best supported by pride in action. Pride is a formidable shield. It shields our hearts from being soft and sensitive, which leads to conviction and repentance.
We identify and cling so closely to our own judgments, yet often aren't aware of it. That's why it's referred to as eating this fruit, for we live off of it, we dine off of our judgements as if it was the source of life.
We all are guilty of being judgmentally dependent. And to the degree in which we cling to our judgments, we play God and don't need or trust Him to be God. Why is it so easy to deny this for one's whole lifetime and even from generation to generation? Because it's often done in secrecy, hidden from people, unless we confess it out loud and in complete honesty to ourselves, God and others whom we trust. Keeping all of our judgments to the confines of our secret thought life opens the door to darkness where needing to fully trust and surrender to God and His knowledge of good and evil stays covered. The more I'm learning in recovery, the more I believe one of the most dangerous judgmental addictions consist of the judgments we cling to regarding our own self. Instead of trusting God's knowledge and judgment of us, we place our own feelings and judgments of ourselves in place of God's, and from there springs heartache of many kinds.
Drug addicts who are not in denial can plainly see their depravity, because they can clearly see the trail that abusing drugs in their life has left. It's not hard to acknowledge the cause and effect between the substances they abuse and its results. Judgmental addicts have a huge disadvantage - it's way too easy to remain in denial of clinging to their judgements as a source of identify by feeding on them (judgement abuse) and its devastating results in their lives. Pride blinds. Denial hurts those we'd least want to hurt, because we're simply unaware.
We are all addicts who engage in judgment abuse, perhaps some more than others. If you are of the human race, I submit to you that you are to varying degrees, addicted to your knowledge regarding what you think is good and evil, and then base much of life on that, for it becomes a value system our identity becomes merged with, in place of Christ.
I am a judgment-junkie-addict in recovery, learning one day at a time, to live peacefully sober from eating the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I'm learning how to abstain from living off of my own judgments, being freed up to love others including myself, and letting God play God, not my judgments.
The only judgment I can have is that people, including myself have such tremendous worth to God, that He sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for us, even though we've often rejected his grace and love. Christ died for all people, and that was a decision He made based on His perfect judgment and love of people stemming from His judgment which concludes we have infinite worth and value. All other judgments on myself and others that contradict this is me engaging in judgment abuse. If you absolutely disagree and criticize my opinions shared here, it isn't a blow to my identity when I'm not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but rather the tree of Life, which is Christ.
"I know that I am intelligent because I know that I know nothing." -Socrates
Disclaimer: I'm not a professionally trained or licensed addictions counselor. My dream is to eventually become one. I do reserve the right to change or alter my aspirations based on what I know about myself and my calling in present tense. Ideas presented in this post were reflective of my current day's opinions regarding this fascinating topic - addiction in the human race. I'm on a constantly moving path of growing and expanding my understanding of life and its applications for me. Thanks for briefly entering in on this moving path with me. -Kristen
