- John 8:32
I believe rigorous honesty is foundational for growth, healing and recovery. It really is that simple. But practicing rigorous honesty is something which doesn't come naturally, for we've been taught (brainwashed) into believing that it's too dangerous.
The world's pain and dysfunction, as I see it is built on believing lies. Sin is a result of decisively taking action based on believing a lie primarily about myself and God. It doesn't take much for me to be deceived. However, it takes much more work to believe and walk in the truth, not returning to being deceived and taken captive by familiar lies.
What's the greatest obstacle in living a life that practices rigorous honesty? - I'm becoming more and more convinced it's fear of judgment. Judgment promotes living much of life in hiding, not honesty, not openness. And why do we fear judgment? Because we live in a world that has a big addiction problem. The human race has one common genetic disease: addiction
What are we addicted to? -the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. We falsely believe we need it to survive and thrive - much like an addict who feels they need their opiates to cope with life. We feed off of our judgments, playing God, instead of surrendering to Him and allowing Him to judge alone, without our help.
Truth be told...If I were to practice rigorous honesty, the first thing I'd come up against is fear of what others will think of me.
Human societies don't know how to function in rigorous honesty. All human societies and cultures, as I understand, do not naturally promote the safety of living that way. If I've missed something here, where are the societies that don't need laws/rules, or people to enforce them? All cultures, all societies judge those within it, minimally at a legal level. More often than not, the judgment goes beyond the legal level, even if it's not done with a conscious awareness. The judgement people feed off of is in evaluating their own identity and ranking, in contrast with whatever scale or baseline they're using, that's usually bias towards themselves. I know I do this as naturally and subconsciously as swallowing my own saliva. In recovery, I'm becoming mindful of this reality, and it deepens my ability to love myself more authentically, and extend that love to others.
Much is hidden as a result of shame, which further enables sin's capacity to enslave us to it. And sadly, many religious people are the drunkest of all, but in the name of God, using His name in vein. I'm in recovery of that myself. (for more on this, see this post)
We judgment addicts know our own kind, and that our world is filled with other judgment addicts drunk off the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We weren't created to properly digest that fruit, and operate from a sober mind. Harmony within, harmony with others, and harmony with God is compromised as a result. We know it, because we ourselves are addicted, and we know that judgment addicts who are rampant in their addiction, without awareness that leads to the desire to change or recover from the addiction, are unsafe. Not necessarily unsafe in the sense of being physically dangerous, but in the sense of degraded value taking place below the surface of what meets the eye -our relationships; with ourselves, others, and God are now convoluted. Thankfully, there is effective treatment for this addiction - for without it we're all lost without hope. Jesus Christ's life, death and resurrection are offered as the treatment for this addiction, but the treatment is received by individual choice, not force. And it entails a lifetime of recovery from judgment abuse (dishing out judgment as if we're God, towards others and ourselves).
Connection and intimacy can't flourish when safety isn't naturally present, and instead is naturally absent. When humans get drunk off of their judgments, it's not a pretty sight. Whether the judgeaholics are drunk and positioned on Capitol Hill, claim religious authority, are highly credentialed, or are homeless, in the suburbs or in prison...it ain't a pretty sight. The world becomes an unsafe place for living in rigorous honesty, when you live in fear of judgment surrounded by judgment drunks, including yourself.
Addiction to judgment creates the absence of safety which isn't equally discernibly visible to all. Its danger is much more insidious. It works its destruction subtly within the bounds of people's relationships, the fabric of humanity.
Judgment addicts who are not in recovery, aren't nearly as safe to be in intimate relationships with as those who are. In fact, my experience has shown some to be extremely harmful. For to be intimate is to expose yourself to another. Intimacy isn't isolated to being of a sexual nature. Intimacy also happens emotionally and/or spiritually. Participating in relationships with other judgment addicts who lack the desire or awareness of his or her own destructive judgment addiction makes intimacy all the more risky, all for diminishing returns.
I lie. I hide. I deceive. I judge. I struggle with pride. I struggle with shame. I struggle with admitting that I struggle with these things, because I struggle with fear - fear of judgment, fear of shame coming from other judgment addicts, including the one who whispers into my ear when I'm alone. Often, those whispers are disarmed when brought into the light before others who are in recovery from their own judgment addictions too.
Today I am in recovery. Each day, one day at a time, I have to make a choice to walk in the truth. To speak the truth. To accept the truth. To seek the truth. To recover the truth. And it costs me something, but it's worth it. For choosing not to recover from addiction to my judgments also costs me something - my freedom.
The treatment plan:
Jesus Christ dying on the cross to forgive my sins, to renew and redeem my worth and identity that is now to be found in Him and in His judgment of me, in place of my own, and the judgments of others.
In recovery, judgments solely from a human origin (perceived or received), become less and less influential. They'll never disappear. Get real. I'm a living human that's created in a world where people impact one another, for better or for worse. I can however, put a limit on the amount of impact it has on me. It takes work, and I certainly can't do it alone, but with the help of others in recovery, it's possible. I become sober by the truth and reserving final judgment from the only sober Judge: God
Just like in treatment and recovery for drug addiction- recovery and healing come from making an individual choice, one day at a time. Denial is the main culprit to preventing the addict in accepting treatment and walking in recovery, and denial is strongly supported by fooling myself. Truth, is something that must be sought after and fought for, and maintenance is critical as well, but the value of it will pay for itself - ten fold.
I'm feeling called to garden and nourish my heart, mind and soul with truth and grace. I'm so in need of it. Blogging is something I absolutely love. I've been blessed through doing it, even if I am the only one on earth who thoroughly reads my blog (which I do over and over again to re-calibrate my mind).
I want to sincerely love. I want to love others with the overflow that comes from receiving God's love more fully, towards myself, and others in my path. If I myself only have the capacity to love others to the same degree I love myself, I'm a bit nervous about that. Loving myself means deeply knowing and accepting all of myself, as God does.
No more shame-chains.
I need to learn to truly walk in love towards myself, in my heart and my mind, not merely intellectually. I'm good at talking the talk and walking the walk, but as for my own inner-thought-life, there are battles to be fought in private. Not in isolation, but not on stage.
"Buy the truth and do not sell it;
get wisdom, discipline and understanding."
- Proverbs 23:23
"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all our mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself." There is no commandment greater than these."
- Mark 12:28-31
Solid peace and grace be yours,
~ Kristen Lopez
