As I become more aware that I no longer need to depend on my ability to control other people, places and things to work out in my favor, I become more empowered to ease up on my efforts to control other people, places and things. As I do this, I observe that I have more peace and contentment that is independent of other people, places and things. This takes lots of practice.
Am I impacted by the cards that I'm dealt? Oh, absolutely. I can acknowledge this reality, while also acknowledging that there is another energy force at work. This energy force does not operate on needing to win by controlling the cards being played, and this energy force has desires much like I do, but doesn't go about fulfilling them using the same rules. I have the audacious and blasphemous spiritual belief that this energy force is alive and well within me. Does this mean all I do and say is co-signed by this energy force? - No, because this energy force doesn't use coercion, and my ability to freely choose isn't revoked by its presence. It's a partnership, not a dictatorship.
The energy force has specific names it uses to identify itself: the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Truth, and the only human example I'm given who fully embodied this operating system and explicitly claimed to do so was and is; Jesus Christ. He doesn't hide his identity in order to placate our offenses or demands. That would be him denying who he is and being untrue to himself in order to be approved of by others. Jesus is an authentic person, who lived his authenticity out even when it threatened or offended others. He simply is who he said he was; the way, the truth and the life.
The ultimate demonstration of him playing by the rules he plays by isn't done in wielding power and control over others. Rather, it's depicted in his death, the cross. The resurrection definitely plays a key role, but let's not put the cart before the horse. A resurrection cannot occur without there first being a death. The same energy force that was able to resurrect Jesus from the dead is at work in me and is offered to be at work in you, if you allow it. This union doesn't come about by control, but by a cooperation or coalition between two willing beings. One human, one Divine. The Divine has already demonstrated his willingness to coalesce, but will not coerce us to do the same.
This is an inverted model of intimately relating to others, which I either forget about or resist when operating in my own relationships. I have both the unconscious and conscious propensity to rely on coercion within my relationships, though it is often undetectable because of how subtle and familiar it feels. This is where inviting others into my inner world whom I can trust to mirror back to me, out of love and truth becomes so valuable. Inverting my familiar relationships model by first applying it within my closest relationships isn't something that is esteemed or that comes natural for me. That's why a community of others to support me in this is so vital.
Love needs the freedom to choose, and the space required for freedom to choose can be provided by me when my survival doesn't depend on controlling others to choose to love me. I am in constant need to be reminded and encouraged in this. I highly value my "control-patrol community" of people.
Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears. - 1 John 4:18
And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and even more so because you see the day drawing near. -Hebrews 10:24-25
